Let’s Be Honest: Obesity Causes More Mass Shootings Than White Supremacy

Most Americans can go for entire months without ever thinking about failed, washed-up comedian Bill Maher. Did you know he still has a show on TV? I’ll occasionally catch a snippet of his program when he has Ann Coulter on, but other than that, he’s just not a factor in my life in any way.

But occasionally, Maher says something that is so “common sense” at its core that he enrages his 99.9% progressive audience and it makes headlines. He did that the other day in relation to Washington’s super-sized overreaction to mass shootings.

Maher noted that there were 53 deaths from mass shootings last month – but more than 40,000 deaths that were related to obesity. Credit where credit is due: That’s a spectacular point on many levels.

The 40,000 deaths figure from the CDC might even be a bit low, because there are a host of complications from obesity that can kill you just as dead as an AR-15. Almost 60,000 Americans die from heart disease every month – and that’s often related to obesity these days. Another 12,200 Americans die from strokes every month, as well as 6,900 from diabetes. Cancer claims nearly 50,000 lives per month. Heck, even car crashes kill 3,000 Americans every month. Being killed in a mass shooting, odds-wise, is less common than being struck by lightning.

If Congress really wanted to save lives, there are a lot of things they could be focused on instead of taking away our constitutional right to keep and bear arms. ICE arrested more than 2,000 illegal aliens on murder charges in the US last year, while more than 70,000 Americans died from Fentanyl overdoses. Building a wall on the southern border would surely reduce those numbers.

While Bill Maher makes a great point that there are bigger problems than gun violence in America, he also offers a non-governmental solution to the obesity epidemic: Bring back fat-shaming.

I wholly support this idea, because it would allow me to cross several items off my bucket list, such as explaining the real reason why I can’t stand to watch ‘The View’ on ABC. Plus, I would finally have societal permission to use the words “blubber-butt” and “Congresswoman Sheila Jackson-Lee” in the same sentence.

As I was thinking about the obesity vs. mass shooting numbers, it occurred to me that the two subjects might actually be related. Consider this.

A young man is unable to find a suitable mate, because most of the young woman in his community are unfit due to eating too many donuts. The healthy, young, fit and attractive women in his community are so low in number that they have the pick of the litter when it comes to chasing after the wealthiest of young men.

Our mass shooter-in-waiting, being middle-class or lower-class, is out of options. Everywhere he goes, this young man sees obese people staring into their phones, reading the latest article from Cosmopolitan titled, “My Giant Lard-Belly Is Really Sexy and If You Disagree You Must Be a Racist.”

Then, one day… snap!

That might seem like a silly over-simplification, but it makes more sense than blaming shootings on “white supremacy.”

And putting all discussion of gun rights aside, this issue is a good reminder that a lot of us, present company included, could probably stand to lose a few pounds. If you had to run 30, 50 or 100 yards to get to cover in a run-and-gun situation, how would you do? Would you even be able to hit anything at the end of a short sprint?

I know I wouldn’t. I might have to stop halfway through the sprint so I could text the passwords to all the financial accounts to my wife. As for shooting back and hitting a target at the end of a short run? Not until the double vision clears!

Losing weight and getting in shape carries a host of health benefits, but it also makes us better shooters. When you’re overweight, the 5-step fast draw becomes a 6-step not-very-fast draw. Step 1: Using your left hand, pull the spare tire out of the way.

Plus, being skinny presents a much smaller sight picture for a mass shooter, if you do find yourself involved in one of these rare events.

That’s it. I’ve talked myself into it. I’m heading to the gym right now. What about you?